A Few of my Favorite Kids
Recently, my daughter wrote an Instagram post and said she learned a lot from each of her kids. I started thinking about it and realized that I, too, learned a lot from kids. I bet we have all learned a great deal from the children we have encountered. This week's blog will therefore be a bit different and be about a few of my favorite kids and what they have taught me. I want you to think about what children have taught you, too. I would love to hear it!
1. My oldest, first kid. I was just 23 when I got pregnant with my oldest. I was so excited, and so nervous, and so afraid. All at once. I read everything I could about parenting, about pregnancy, about babies, about delivery. I was sure I knew exactly what I was doing because I read all the books. ALL THE BOOKS. Of course I knew what I was doing! I made a very specific birth plan. There would be no epidural. There would be few drugs, We would have delayed clamping and immediate skin to skin. I would watch Home Alone while I labored, leisurely. She would go to the best preschool and I would only use cloth diapers and breast feed for years. I laid out all my plans carefully and knew it would be perfection. And then my doctor said he needed to induce me. ON MY BIRTHDAY. And I said, ummm, that is MY birthday. It was not supposed to be my baby's birthday, too. And thus it began. Parenthood. The only state where all your best laid plans are tossed aside before you can even say "boo." My oldest taught me that you can still be a good parent and not a perfect one, that sharing your birthday is an amazing gift, that the gift of parenthood can only be given to you by kids, and that all the books in the world cannot teach you how to be a mom. Parenthood is less about the planning and thinking and dreaming and more about the doing. At three months after her birth, I went back to work. Shortly after, I gave up on the cloth diaper service. At five months after her birth, I got pregnant again. At nine months old, she decided she no longer liked nursing. At 14 months of age, she became a big sister. I had learned a lot, but not enough, it turned out.
2. My second/middle child. If your first child teaches you that planning and reading cannot prepare you for parenthood, then your second kid teaches you that everything you thought you knew with your first kid is wrong. I already knew life was going to be crazy with two kids so close in age, but I was scared I would never love my second as much as I loved my first. I mean, how can a heart hold that much love? Can it? I wondered. I was terrified. I was mostly scared that my oldest would be mad at me for dividing time between her and her sister. I worried that my second would resent me because I already loved a child so much and she was not number one. I worried they would hate each other or that they would hate me for not giving each of them undivided attention. I still read and planned, but I also gave up the notion that I would be prepared. I already knew I would not and I already knew I could not be perfect. So I relaxed a little. I alternated between thinking: How hard can it be? and How will I ever do this? This birth was a bit easier, and I went into labor on the day before my due date. The entire process was easier. Of course my body was already ready for it. It hardly had a break and here was another baby! But then I learned every kid is different. Whereas my first kid was sleeping through the night at 3 months old, this second child was bound and determined to stay awake all night and nurse. My oldest was independent, but my second child wanted to be held all the time. I learned that little girls so close in age look cute dressed alike (they might beg to differ) and that there was nothing in the world I loved more than spending time with them. I also fully enjoyed going back to work after an extended break or long weekend. I learned I did not need as much sleep as I thought I did, that having kids close in age does not guarantee they will be close all the time, and that anything can be done with enough love. I nursed longer with my second and I appreciated the ability to do so. I also learned that when a kid loves to eat a lot of sweet potatoes and carrots, they turn orange. Beta Image result for Beta Carotenaemia. Look it up!
3. My third kid- the boy. When my middle kid was turning one, I found out I was pregnant again- surprise! I had a one year old and a two year old and was about to have a newborn again. Two kids in diapers is stressful enough- imagine the very idea of three kids in diapers, and none of them being multiples. Luckily, right before my son was born, my oldest asked for some Pocahontas panties and potty trained herself. It was like she knew I was already going to be stressed out and she needed to take matters into her own hands. Thank you. Thank you for that! So, then my son was born. Late. One month late. Back in the 1990s they did not worry about you going past your due date, especially if they thought you were pretty much crazy already for having kids so close in age. They also did not think I knew my body and that I was sure when I had conceived. (Come on people, I had just been though this twice already). So, I went into labor early and was hospitalized and then on bed rest with meds. Then when it was time to go off those meds, he just did not want to come out and say hi. Maybe he knew the world was already pretty chaotic and and we had our hands full already. Maybe he just wanted a few more weeks of peace before coming out and seeing his big sisters. Whatever it was, he decided to stay in the womb for a bit and cook longer. When I finally could not stand it any longer, I went to the doctor and said I was so miserable that I was not leaving. They did some tests and saw that he needed to be born immediately. Gee, you think? He was overcooked, had lost weight, and had a decaying cord that broke when he was delivered. He needed oxygen and care immediately. And immediately I learned boys are different than girls. I learned that much of that next year would be stressful and just about NOTHING would go as planned. I learned that sometimes kids are sick and it is not your fault (even if the doctor insinuates it is). Sometimes we all go a little crazy. Sometimes we need more help than we would like to think. And that is okay. It is okay to ask for help and to be needy, even if you have many little ones relying on you. I learned that if I did not take care of myself, then how could I take care of my kids?
4. My youngest, my oops baby. "Oops, I did it again." (I could not resist writing that line). So, I had three kids and they were growing up and becoming teens and then, guess what? I discovered I was pregnant again. I had a 13 year old, a 14 year old, and a 15 year old when my youngest was born. At this stage in my life, I was almost 40, and considered a geriatric pregnancy (the nerve of the doctor who told me that...I promptly fired him and found another doc, one who would never utter those words to me, but would still require all of the tests that said geriatric pregnancy requires). I was terrified and excited all at once. I was having a baby at a completely different stage in life. I had always wanted four kids and never thought that would happen, but it did. I was not expecting it or planning it, but was pretty darn excited, terrified, and jazzed. When he was born, also one day before he was to be evicted from the womb, I learned that having a 15 year old who can drive is a plus when your water breaks. I learned that my own mom can be really tired and not alert when you call to say you are in labor. I learned that everyone loves babies. That some kids become mama's boys before they are even born, and that life can change for the better when you have unexpected surprises. Most of my friends were getting ready to become empty nesters when I was getting diapers. I learned to relax and stress less. I learned to be easier on myself. I learned that most people just figure you have it all figured out by this time, so they offer less help; so I learned to ask for the help. I learned to do without certain medications so I could do prolonged nursing, because it was important to me and I had the support. My youngest gave me life in so many ways. He added much to the lives of my other kids as well.
5. My grandkids. When my youngest was three, my oldest had her first kid. My household was growing and it was fun. How many three year olds are uncles? Not many, that is for sure, I would typically think most people begin to feel old when they are about to become a grandparent, but not me. I felt young, and it felt exhilarating. I was so excited to have a baby in the house (especially since we all know three year olds are not nearly as cute as babies...in fact three is the hardest age and I was looking for a distraction...LOL). It was amazing to be at the birth of my granddaughter and to see my oldest becoming a mother. I learned to let her parent her way, to only offer advice when asked (for the most part....as much as I could help it). I learned to love in a more magnificent way. they are called GRAND children for a reason. I now have four grandchildren and I love them all so much. One is a step-grandchild and I have learned that I can completely love and adore a child who is not often around me and bears no blood relation to me. Who knew? I wish they all lived closer, as I do love them so dang much.
So, this is what I have learned from a few of my favorite kids. I could go on and on as I have learned so much from other kids, too. From my friends' kids, from my kids' friends. From my students. If you look around your life and have not learned anything lately, then go find a kid to learn from. They are all around and they will teach you more than you will ever think possible.
What have you learned from a kid lately?
